The Karma Spider

Today is Friday, and what better way to celebrate Friday than by going to the bar and de-stressing over a big bottle of beer that only costs you about a dollar-fifty.  Here in Namaacha, we have a few options in terms of drinking establishments.  They range from the woman selling beer on the corner out of her cooler, the white flag-waving Baraka that sells sawdust moonshine, or the expensive hotel that doesn’t seem to take kindly to our types around here (PC Trainees, that is).  And then there’s Javier’s. 

 

Javier’s is the local libation location. There, you can get anything from shots of Johnny Walker Black Label to local Mozambican beer (there are three types of Mozambican beer: Laurentina, Manica, and 2M).  Maybe I should clarify, by anything, I actually mean not much.  There’s booze, and then there’s samosas.  That’s about it.  

These Street Samosas are to diarrhea for. Get it?  Peace Corps joke.

The owner of the bar has his American friends call him James, and he’s actually a really nice guy.  Apparently, sometimes he even hosts volunteers in his own house. Anyways, if a Peace Corps Trainee is looking for some sort of social interaction (in English that is), Javier’s is the place to go.  Between the hours of 4pm and 8pm, the bar tends to draw a decent sized crowd of the English-speaking 20-somethings.

Observe: the outside of Javier's.

Young Money.

Back to the events of today...after a little convincing from a friend, I decided to pay Javier’s a visit after the Chefe Meeting (the meeting for language group leaders) to toss a few back with my new ex-patriot family. I’ve been before, but have never stayed too late.  I usually have to shower before dinner, and did not want to make my Mai mad by showing up too late tonight.  Still, I ended up getting home a little later than I think she would have liked me too.  She said something when I walked in, and I tried explaining that I was a little late because I had to walk some friends home.  My Mai has a reputation for being a tough cookie (more on her some other time), and need less to say, I’m pretty sure she knew I was not only lying, but pleasantly-toasted even before I walked in the door. She told me the water for my shower was ready, and I should go tomar banho (“shower”).  Cue the Karma Spider.

Prior to bathing, I thought I’d pay the latrine a visit. Since day one, I’ve said to myself that it’s inevitable I will one day lose something down that black hole.  That day was today.  I was setting up to aim when all of a sudden, my soap container popped out of my pocket and fell right through..Shit.  Literally.  I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.  Figures.  Guess I’m lucky it wasn’t my key’s.  That would be a disaster, mainly because I don’t think there is a second set.

After spending 15 second deeply grieving the lose of my soap container, I went to take my bucket bath. 

Well, I can now confirm that the humongous spider I once thought was real, then thought was a figment of my imagination, is in fact most definitely real.  And today, it spent a fair amount of time watching me bath. Just as I finished pouring water over myself, trying to make up for the fact that I had no soap with which to scrub, I turned around, only to find myself in a stare down with an elephant-sized arachnid. If I had been wearing pants, I would have peed them.  Africa 1, Will 0. Again, not sure what else to do in this situation, I just laughed. Oh, and I also got out of thesr as fast as I could.

After putting on some clothing, I reported my findings to my family and told them I needed a picture (at this point, they are well aware that I’m a little tweaked by humongous bugs and think its hilarious to laugh at my fear). With the support of my host brother, I went to get my proof.

Public Enemy #1.

In honor of this my new stalker, I’ve decided to start an entirely new section of my blog, simply titled: This is Africa.  In this section, which you can navigate to using the menu bar at the top of the blog, you will find a collection of all the jerks (and some of the other animals, insects, etc. that don’t suck) that I come across while getting to know Mozambique on a very intimate level.  It’ll be a fun way to show you what I encounter while romping around the bush.  Think of it like this, my mental anguish is your viewing pleasure!

So yeah, that’s my experience with instant karma today.  I think I’ll try and start getting home earlier from now on.